Two weeks in a row! Two Fridays in a row! I'm calling this a streak! Not just a Ray Stevens streak, but a for-real winning streak, dammit.
I'll admit, I'm a bit lucky to get this posted. My brain has checked out for the weekend already. Megan asked if we could go skiing for her birthday. After a lot of arm twisting, puppy-dog-eyes, and bribery, I grudgingly caved in.
Actually, my answer was a lot closer to "HELLS YES!!!!" when she asked, but that makes me seem like a pushover.
We're heading up Liberty tomorrow to hit the slopes and donate blood. Hoping for some snowfall, just bc it's cool, but also hoping this wind eases off a bit. I'm not looking forward to 50mph winds pushing us UP the hill.
I'm totally stoked about the trip. The kids have only been once before, but got hooked. My sis is coming along for her first trip ever. I'm placing money that the kids will totally smoke her in the morning, but she'll put 'em in their place by the end of the day. She's got enough coordination and competitiveness that she won't let the rats embarrass her for an entire day.
Other kid news: Samantha applied early admission to two colleges. She got her acceptance to both, one of which was her "top choice dream school". I'm pretty sure we'll be filling out the admissions paperwork and signing checks this weekend. There are no real worries about senioritis causing trouble, either. The high schools have a great final-semester policy for seniors: carry a B average and don't miss more than 2 classes, and they're excused from taking final exams. It's a very convincing policy.
Finally, I've been struggling all week with which of the following images to include as a lead story in this week's Waster: Birthday StonerDog or Hilary Duff's engagement?
StonerDog's owners must have baked some very special birthday biscuits. He's in a very happy place.
Ms. Duff (1) received a proposal from Mike Comrie (2) cried a little bit (3) sent cell-pics of the ring to her friends and (4) thanked Mr. Comrie accordingly....
Then I received the best lead-item of the week BY FAR. You get to start your weekend with Hilary StonerDog Comrie, and a full understanding of just why he's in that happy place.
Thanks, Juan_Solo!
(btw, the reddit comments are effing awesome.)
MagicJack, the device, works well. MagicJack, as a company though, is just another scam. Oh what, you thought any different? I want to show you something. It's my shocked face.
I really have nothing to report on this week. No big news, no drastic stressors, simple & lightweight plans for the weekend, and nothing of any value rattling around in my brain.
That's not to say life isn't busy, just steady rollin'. We got our project all certified at the office, so now we have time to get caught up on all the little tasks that were skipped for a few weeks.
All of us are chugging thru the middle of our various school semesters. Midterms are over, report cards are completed, nobody is on my bad list, and we all just cruise the school scheds from here thru to the holidays.
I failed on riding the bike to work every single day this week. Each day was for a different reason, and all reasons were legitimate, but I'm still feeling a bit guilty over the whole situation. There's only another week til Thanksgiving, and I really don't want to jack up my exercise routine right before I start shoveling stuffing & gravy into my face.
Holiday plans are starting to come together. It's easy when a majority of the fam is local. A few people from my office are traveling up and down the I-95 corridor next week, and I'm sooooo not jealous. We hit NYC a few years back over Thanksgiving; it was the first & last time I'll ever do that drive over the holiday weekend.
So we're keeping it simple, and staying in town & hanging out with the fam. Nice n easy....
(Yes it's a re-run pic, but it still makes me smile. And you know I just do this blog-thing to entertain myself.)
"Often feared and grossly misunderstood." A beginner's guide to PedoBear.
Who would want Charlie in the Box? Or this?
BaconNails are fierce! (click it... whatever you're expecting, you're wrong.)
HULKAMANIA!
Time keeps scrolling by. Take a look; you'll understand.
Sometimes it's better if you put a little more thought into your choice of words.
Um, no thanks.
My momma used to have a dalmatian. Dumbest dog ever. Totally cute, very very lovable, but dumb as an effing rock. I never paid attention to his shadow though.
One good thing about getting older is learning to listen to that little voice in your head when it talks to you. Don't believe that advertisement. That deal is too good to be true. Your friend is trying to sneak on your girl. Don't ever lie to women; they know. Don't park anywhere in DC, even if you are paying a homeless guy $5 to protect it while you're gone.
I'm usually pretty good at paying attention, bc that little voice has been thru a lot of sht over the years, and he generally knows much better than my real brain.
I didn't listen very well last weekend.
I was all prepped to join a blow-out bartender wedding party, including the genius idea of requesting the hotel bar stay open late for the after-party. Instead, I was ThatGuy.
Way too drunk, way too quick, done too early. The lightweight. Rookie. Nancy. Letting down my friends, missing the after-party, not spending time with the people that deserve it. Dishonoring Kim and Tony's grand alcohol fest of love and wedstuff. I deserve to be disbarred from the Professional Tarbenders Association, and I'll be mailing my Tennessee Squire membership card back to Lynchburg.
Manda suggests I should post my apology here: I'm Sorry, Love. But I need to do it in public.
I had a slew of chances to listen to that little voice, but kept shushing it. Dumbass.
It's allergy season. Benedryl can perform breathing miracles. "Do not take with alcohol."
Shush. It's just a couple little pills, and it's early. I'll be fine.
"You should grab a sandwich before meeting everyone at the bar before the wedding. That little hotel bar might not serve real food."
Can't. Running late already. I'll be fine.
"See dumbass? The hotel bar isn't even open. Make a run to McD real quick. No more yanky my wanky... the Donger need food!"
No food here. Everything's closed. I'm going to grab the after-party cooler out of the car, so we can crack a few in the rooms. I'll be fine.
"OK, OK. You know what you're doing. Just a beer or two. No liquor."
Just one shot of Svedka Vodka. I've never had it before, and I'd really like a taste. With RedBull, too! I'll be fine.
"You need to grab a snack on the way to the wedding; chips, bread, Funions, sandwich, Snickers, whatever. Put something in mah belly!"
Yep. Good idea. We can stop at that little convenience store on the way, and I'll be fine.
"You just drove past that little convenience store. Tell her to turn around!"
Yah, I know. We're almost there now. We'll check in, say hello, and I'll sneak back for a snack if they don't have munchies out. I'll be fine.
"We're here. No munchies. Let's go down back down the street now."
Shush. I'm chatting. I haven't seen these guys in forever.
"You're stalling. Finish that bottle, and let's go. Hurry up. No, dammit, you do not have time for 'just one more' before the wedding starts."
You're really starting to irritate me, little voice. I told you, I'll be fine.
"Time's up. Wedding / appetizers / reception is starting in a minute, just have a glass of water and chill for a bit."
I'll have another beer please.
"Salad does not count as 'eating something', and beer does not go well with salad. Drink some water before you get drunk."
Oooooh, they have wine at the winery! Imagine!
"But you don't drink wine."
Shush. This is a special occasion, and we're at a winery. I drink wine today! I'll be juuuuuusht fiine.
"You're drunk. Eat a good dinner, drink a couple glasses of water, and chill out for a bit."
I like wine, and wine likes me.
"You're slurring. Quit talking."
Shush. Everyone at the table is vitally interested in all my way too personal information.
"You're sloshing red wine all over yourself. Don't order any more."
Wow, little voice, you finally made a bit of sense! I'll have another glass of white, please.
"Dude. Stop already. There's a whole second party to go to in a bit. Ease off now, and you'll roll right into the next one."
Nope. Point of no return. "Ease off" is not happening now. Game on! Ima go dansh some more.
"Hey, the reception is over. You should call your sister, who's watching the kids. She can play the voice mail for them as a life lesson."
Great idea, Little Voice! You must be drunk, too! I'll call her right now.
"Wake up drunky. It's 1130, we're in the driveway at home, and you can't sleep in the car."
K. Bed is niiiiishe.
So many chances, and I missed every single one of 'em. Little voice knows, and I know to listen, but effed it up for me and everyone that I disappointed that night.
I'm sorry, and I won't let it happen again. From now on, I'm never playing in the rookie league again. It's totally uncool to everyone who had to put up with my retarded ass last weekend.
If anybody knows how to get in touch with the skinny-girl bartender at the winery, she deserves the biggest apology of all. She escorted me up the hill to the main plantation house to use the restroom. It was dark and drizzling, and the house was straight out of an episode of ScoobyDoo. I can still hear the spooky music.
I started doubting her on the front walk, asking if she was taking me into some sort of trouble. She kinda giggled, but I think she kinda played it up a little bit. Pushed the buttons a little bit, and I got a little nervous.
I didn't turn my back on her for a second, b/c I was getting more and more nervous. And she was taking it farther and farther. All I know was that when I was done in the restroom, I was really scared to open the door and come back out to the hallway. I knew she was waiting out there with a big machete to drop into my skull.
I cut the light, and pulled the door the slightest bit. Peeped out with just an eyeball. I can live with one eye, but not with my head opened like a summer melon at a picnic. She saw my eye, and pushed the buttons some more. I told her I was scared of what she was gonna do, and she needed to stay alllll the way down at that end of the hall so I could sneak out the front door.
She wanted to know what I thought she was planning. I dunno.... machetes and haunted houses and all that. For all I know, she's planning to cut me open and eat my liver! And she totally rolled with that. Admitted to my drunkass that she was a connoisseur of fine human innards, and I was def on the menu if I let my guard down for half a second.
Fuuuuck that. I'm outta that nuthouse now. No effing way I'm going to a wedding with my friends and winding up as foie gras. I backed out the door, and got safely back down to the reception hall. My total relief was shattered when nobody believed that cute little bartender was a closet cannibal trying to cut me open for my sweetbreads.
Jen posed the hair metal challenge, and I nailed it 100%! (I've been debating for a week whether I should admit my score or keep it hidden.)
Do you remember they used to have Missile Command in the table-top arcade version at the old Pizza Hut? And in the swimming pool clubhouse?????? I was never in the clubhouse with Jacob, but he was still kind enough to submit the link.
Jacob's second classic link. Donkey Kong! I played for HOURS after school at the old Pizza Shop in the mall. Played cross-handed, of course, left-handed-joysticking was for rookies.
Oooooooh, ColorShift is one heck of an addictive puzzle game. Hurt my brain a bit. If I wasn't trying to be on vacation in a short little while I would have been sucked into this one for quite some time.
= = = = = = = = = =
(giggle)
I think she's been successfully paroled from her sentencing to the wrecks, but plenty of us have been here. And we all love to laugh at the others who are suffering thru it now. Jules gives us DateWrecks.
A collection of all the best April Fools sites from around the interwebs. The flipped version of YouTube definitely effed with my head a little bit.
I've said many times that bacon makes everything taste better, but I never meant everything....
Lots of talk this week about the Conficker worm (which has been a relative dud). Here's a tip for those of you who run Windoze, have not applied latest security patches, and have not updated your anti-virus definitions this week... a simple chart to test for infection.
Seth discovered that NASA tests everything:
More on NASA, but only for the science geeks out there: A debunking of the "faked moon landing" conspiracy theory.
Dominic found the most telling variation between the Bush and the Obama administrations:
Finally, to close out this week's Waster, I'm putting a feather in my own cap. If your boss gives you any crap about surfing the web on a lazy, rainy, Friday afternoon, tell him to kiss off. Web surfing actually increases productivity!
