trading teeth for segways

The Onion published an article last week that was more truth than fiction. I think they may have done it again. Four simple, one syllable words. What's so hard to understand?

If you remember from last week, my buddy Eddi was on his way into town from from Germany. We'd worked together for many many years, but never met in real life. It was like being in an online dating club.

So anyway, me, Eddi, and a few people from my old office got together last weekend. It was an odd situation.... we used to all be professional drinkers. For various reasons, 3 out of 5 had to be on good behavior. Eddi and I were not in that group. We didn't get drunk to the point of stupid, but we were definitely rolling a pretty good buzz by the end of the night.

It was kinda neat to hang out together finally. After only a minute or two, it was like we went to the bar together every Friday night. I thought there may be a bit of get-to-know-you bullshit questions and answers, but we all just breezed right past that to just regular bullshit. Like making fun of the stoner girl in the K-hole wearing a dress that looked like a chain-link fence. She would have been hot, too, if her eyes weren't so empty. THAT'S entertainment.

So drunk Eddi and drunk me were summoned by the designated driving committee to head home before the bar locked up and kicked us out for real. They seemed a little irritated when I changed my shirt in the middle of the bar. (It was a gift; thanks Tina!) On the way back to the garage, Eddi spots the coolest Segway ever sitting in the security guard's office. It was just like the regular people-mover Segways, but with big knobby off-road tires on it. Something like this:


The guard wasn't in the mood to let us take it for a spin though. He was acting friendly enough, but it was all just an act. He was keeping his anger all bottled up inside, which is so totally unhealthy. He wanted to help us have fun, but his resentment at looking like Gary Coleman without teeth just wouldn't let him do it. I tried, too. I thought I had him for a minute, too, but the buzzer sounded the end of my game before I could sign the deal. Visions of riding the ramps in the parking garage went down the drain, and we had to walk back to the car.

I'm happy that the weekend went so well, b/c I've had a tough week this time 'round. Nothing awful, just lots of pain-in-the-tail stuff going on.

Work has been really busy, and really reactive, too. I've had surprises just about every day, and that really wears on me. Stupid emergencies go hand-in-hand with working for the gubmint, so I'm used to firefighting. Just b/c I'm used to it though doesn't mean I like it.

Kidstuff has been wearing on me too. Not the kids themselves, but the school. The kids are all doing very well. Report cards came home, and they all nailed solid grades. (Really makes me smile and wonder whose kids they are.) I'm actually struggling with the guidance office at the high school. I've been working since Monday to get a conference set up, and the twinkie in the office just can't seem to get her shit together. It's Friday now, and next week is a holiday, so I'm not expecting to get it done til the first week of December. The schools always complain about a lack of parental involvement, but so so often the school is the actual communications roadblock.

We've got a good week of famstuff and holidays coming up. Not sure if I'll be posting anything next Friday or not. I may either be too busy or too relaxed to do any writing. You may get lucky. Dunno yet.

Now, if you only click one link from this whole freaking post, please make it this one. Brent sent me the link to this blog about eating super-extreme hot sauce. I dare you to read this story without giggling like you're missing a chromosome. "...a handful of broken glass and gravel..."??? Wow.

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Donna really pisses me off sometimes. This maze game is nothing but frustration.

99 luft balloons. Or not.

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Jules and the Backseat Betties are playing out at the Auld Shebeen in Fairfax tonight. Hot chicks, good bar, and 80s music - what else could you want?

Best Video EVER:


The Moro Islamic Liberation Front shot down and captured a US Spy plane. The story is wayyyyyy funnier to me than the paper intended.

Black Friday is coming. Here's your cheat sheet to know what the retailers don't want you to know.

As simple as it gets.


I hate to give out free advertising, especially since Verizon Wireless has been so good to me over the past years. But Sprint created the most annoying site I've seen in a long, long time.

How to piss off everyone else on the highway.

Kim's new boyfriend has skills!


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