out of hiding

Yes, I missed writing an update last week. I had to do a lot of workstuff before being able to entertain, and I figured with the holiday not many people were suffering in the office on Friday afternoon. I'm sorry for acting like a grown-up, but sometimes I don't have much choice. Full refunds will arrive in your inbox shortly.
(click the pic to enlarge)


Before I start my yammering, I need to apologize to anyone who doesn't get a shout out or credit for submissions this week. I'm honestly putting about 10% effort into this edition of the Waster, which is a good 5% less than normal. Some lapses in quality are expected.

First though, to get your brain back in the mood, check out the ad below. Eh, nothing exciting. Look again. Once you notice one instance, you'll understand. Mmmmmmhmmmm. After you get on my wavelength, you're allowed to continue reading....
(click the pic to enlarge)


OK, now that we're sharing a brain, I'll release the logjam of updates.

Many of you asked about "Fripples", as mentioned in my reference to the pic of Farrah Fawcett. Fripples are frozen nipples; or simply "high beams". Clear now? If not, please return your eyes to that pic above, until your mood is proper. Thanks.

June 27 was my one-year anniversary of not smoking. None nada zippo zilch goose-egg. Not even a sneaky puff off of somebody else's cig. I can't touch it, bc I still really miss it.

It was also my one-year anniversary of retiring from the bar down at the 'Hole. I miss that even more than smoking (but there's no way I could ever tend bar without lighting up). I promised myself, and a lot of other people, that I'd return to hang out a lot as well as occasionally pick up a guest-shift behind the bar. Fail x 2. I haven't tipped a glass there nearly as often as I would have liked, and didn't even work a single shift. (Maybe one football Sunday this year? Note that I have to ask permission bc it's not my bar anymore.)

The NC trip was an overall success. We're in touch with a couple of realtors, and have identified a few properties to investigate further. At the moment, we've narrowed the choices to Robeson, Scotland, or Moore counties. Next step is to get into more boring levels of detail, such as how deep we have to drill to get water.

The FirstLady was sick all of last week with the flu. The for-real flu, not the made-for-TV swine flu, & not the stay-home-from-school bellyache. I'd never seen anyone with the flu before, and it was rather odd. No nastiness, no hurling, no yarfing, just an overall feeling of bleh that lasts for over a week. She's all good now.

Kid1 is not returning to university in the fall. They finally called him out on not paying for the spring semester, so he's in a bit of a jam. He has stepped up his work ethic a bit, though, and is busting his tail at 2 jobs to get his finances back in order. He's living at momma's house, and registered at the community college for the fall. His plan is to straighten out money and grades, so he'll be able to go back to the dorms as soon as possible. I'm there to help him, but I'm not carrying him any more.

I started back to school this week. One week break between spring and summer semesters is not enough. wah.

I've got a drywall repair project to do this weekend. I hate drywall. Stupid dogs. We lock 'em in the laundry room when we're not home, and they have access to the backyard thru a little dog-door. One of the dog-tards was scared witless by the fireworks, so she dug a hole right thru the laundry room wall out into the house. Grrrrrr.

Kid2 is in driver's ed / behind-the-wheel this week. Finally. I'm pretty stoked that we'll have another taxi driver in the very near future. She got her SAT scores back the other day, too, and was totally happy with the results. All numbers are right in line with the schools she's planning on. And we celebrated her 17th birthday last week. Only 51 weeks til I stop paying her portion of child support (and, following the pattern of Kid1, only 45 weeks before my ex takes me to court again for an increase on Kid4).

I added a swim to my regular workouts this week. I started hitting the pool for 30 mins in the morning before work, and it's totally kicking my tail. I failed this morning bc I was just too whipped to get out of bed early enough to make it to the pool. I'll be back in the water tomorrow though. Promise.

HAPPY FRIDAY! ! ! !


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Game time (I need more submissions, please...)

Get the kitty.

The Smoking Gun provides a game with prizes and a deadline! Guess the band from their backstage snack demands by 4pm today...

Incredibots 2. Just as annoying as the first iteration, but potentially sucking more time.

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World's strongest cooter? I'm waiting for the finals to be televised on SpikeTV.

This is why I love tennis!


A sampling of tattoos, and how they translate to reality.

Rock star sex stories

Do what with lysol?!?!?!?

I've always liked Tiger, bc he just gets out there and does his job. Michael Wilbon supports my case.

Tech and financial things to understand about gas stations, gas, and your car.

The next big romantic thing for redneck couples: combine a luxury cruise with a hunting trip. Only this hunting is juuuuuust a bit different.

In case the past week of media coverage has helped you forget, here is MJ's other legacy.

One final MJ thought before I'm done with him: Michael Jackson is dead, not just to me, but to everyone.


One final Sarah Palin thought before I'm done with her: She still doesn't make any sense. Not then, not now. Goodbye.

Any last words?
The parting words of men and women on their way to the (allegorical) gallows. I didn't expect much from this link, then I got sucked into reading dozens upon dozens of 'em.

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michael, ed, and farrah, sitting in a tree

So, originally my plans for this week's Waster included a very nice tip o' the hat to Farrah and her fripples.


Now this whole Michael Jackson thing has derailed my entire train of thought. At first, I didn't believe it. Sounded too much like an internet hoax.... and IT WAS A HOAX!!! The original story was faked, and TMZ bought it. Other sites linked to TMZ, and it just snowballed from there.

Then MJ went and actually moonwalked off the stage, and instead of looking like fools, TMZ looks like they scooped the story. Lucky bastages. Gov. Mark Sanford sends his thanks to MJ, too.

So now I've got lots to chatter about and next to no time to write it.

Last weekend, and most of this week, we were busy running around NC shopping for property. It was a very productive trip. The intention was not to jump in and buy the first lot we checked out. Rather, we were shopping for information about the state, counties, local towns, the landscape, available land, and realtors. Success, on all counts. More importantly, we learned a lot about what we're actually trying to find.

We found a couple of counties that we're going to continue shopping, and we found a few people that we're going to continue dealing with. We even found a few very promising parcels that will remain on the active list, to be pursued further. (I'm still trying to convince the FirstLady that 64 acres, partially cleared, with a 4 acre private lake is exactly what she needs. I'm not sure she's buyin' it just yet.)

We did have a couple disappointments, too. I figure that's part of the learning process. One monster parcel had the best $/acre price we could find. It also happened to be the unofficial town landfill. Another location listed as 17 acres; only 3 of which were functional. The other 14 were comprised of a huge, steep ravine with a creek at the bottom. A third property is currently a 21.5 acre watermelon field. I can just imagine the future landscaping challenges.

We're doing more homework now, using the additional resources we gained on the trip. I'm totally wired to start sending out offers, but I know we've got a ways to go still.

Back to MJ:
What time is bedtime at Neverland Ranch?
What's black and comes in little white cans?
What does MJ like most about twenty-three year olds?
Farrah Fawcett got to Heaven, and was granted one wish. She wished for all children to be safe, so God snatched MJ.
MJ can't be cremated bc he's got too much plastic in him. So they're going to melt him down and make legos out of him. Then all the little children can play with MJ for a change.


Click here to add your own jokes. I'm out of material too quickly today.

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Gameplay: weak
Graphics: also weak
Addictive factor: Oh, hell yes.
My character, WasteRRR, will stomp your a$$ into the ground in MyBrute.

I've had a couple people tell me that Hedgehog Launching is a pretty good game. I think maybe they're retarded.

The old bar-trick game, MatchMoves.

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MJ in his prime:
A whole rack of other MJ vids here.

Oh, my. Never never never never am I buying this stuff. The jokes are just too easy, and my stomach is just too queasy.

Dom's shower curtain makes me think twice about crashing on his sofa again.


(from SkullSwap, which has wasted a lot of my time lately, and may have surreptitiously swapped my skull already.)

Silly preggos, you make me giggle.

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o carolina

This is a public service announcement brought to you in part by Slim Shady: HDMI transfers digital signals. That means it either works, or it doesn't work. There's no "almost" "slightly" "better than" "maybe" "fuzzy" or anything like that. Digital. Yes or no. It's that simple.

So please don't drop $99 on MonsterRipOffs at BestBox. Try this instead: I've got 3 meter HDMI cables from parts-express.com for $6ea. You can buy me a lot of beers with the money you save.

The waster this week is a bit light on content and creativity. We're heading out on vaca in about 12 hours. I took the day off of work today to work on a big project for school (it's my final exam, actually) and to get the truck + trailer prepped for the trip.

Today is the last day of school for the kids, so they'll be all wired up on sugar from their end-of-year parties. After school, they're all going out to other ice-cream parties. When they finally get here, we're going to another ice-cream party. They're already on my nerves, and they're not even home yet.

We're trying to end the evening rather early, so we can get on the road way before the butt-crack of dawn. We're spending a couple days down in NC visiting with family, followed by another couple days running around the state shopping for land.

The long-term goal is to buy a big piece of property down there. BIG. Someplace we can build our next house on, along with a monster garage and a couple little guest-bungalows. Someplace where I can mow the lawn nekkid without having the neighbors call the cops again.

In a few years, all the kids will be off to college. We're packing the wagons and getting outta Dodge. Since the lottery-faerie has failed me so far, we still need to be close enough to civilization to hold down a job. So the location can't be too far out in BFE.

We've done a decent amount of shopping online, but it's hard to tell exactly what you're looking at. I've never seen 134 acres in real-life before. I'm actually pretty excited about the whole trip. This is the first time that we'll actually see what "mud bog", "scrub pine" and "swampland" looks like. I hope it's just as lovely as it sounds.

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More of a puzzle, or a bar challenge, but this movie game still has the potential to jam up a bit of your afternoon.

If you weren't insecure enough, TweetPsych will analyze your Twitter habits and pick apart all of your idiosyncrasies. You can do your friends' accounts, too.

"Fat Slice" sounds like something you get while beer-goggling, but it's actually a pretty cool waster.

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Matt's first submission is a tasty one! Mmmmmmm, salami!

Megan Fox reminds me yet again why she's top shelf.

How James spent his summer vacation:


Tim just had his first baby, but he already understands this whole parenting thing.

Served, and deserved. Dumbass.


Todd gets bonus points for tripping out my freakin' mind. Video embedded below, but there's more techno-art-geek info here.


I tried to think of something cute to say about this vid, but I couldn't even come close. Enjoy the silliness:


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she must be an angel

Today the First Lady and I celebrate our 5 year anniversary!

Believe me, I'm just as shocked as you are. I know I'm a pain in the tail to live with. I wouldn't have the patience to deal with me for 5 weeks, much less 5 years. I think the over-under at the Hole was about 7 months. But she does, with a smile, and I don't know what I could have done to deserve to be so lucky.

She wakes me in the morning and dresses me all grown up and nice. Gets me out the door on time with a fresh lunch every day. Takes care of my babies like they were her own. Runs the house and keeps my toddler-level attention span in focus. Puts me to shame at how hard she works.

And did I mention that she is sssssmokin' hot?!?!

We started hanging out a dozen years ago. Both of us were fresh out of other marriages, and were happy to stay single forever. Shoot, it was a long time before we even realized that we'd become boyfriend & girlfriend. It just kinda happened that things became exclusive, and a whole relationship jumped out of the cake like it was a surprise party.

Somehow, she tricked me into the whole engagement thing. I still haven't quite figured it out. We were vacationing at OBX. Took a sunrise walk down to the beach to watch the dolphins, and when we got back there was a sparkly on her finger. If I'd have known then what I know now, she would have had gotten that ring right after the Toadies concert at Daytona's.

M - I want to make you near me always.

(Pssst.... please don't tell her about her gift. It's a surprise.)

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Kinna like finding Waldo, but with famous people instead. (Note that you can link to the answers from the same page, but let your brain crawl out of its hole for a minute before giving up, k? It'll feel good.)

Boomstick, but with rules (and less boom).

Geometry + Crayolas + qix = ColorFill

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Axl, and the rest of the not-so-hot-anymore heartthrobs.

Ken Block, Gymkhana 2 video:


Tom's new theme song:


Twenty pics that will remind you to stay off the 'roids.

The Boston crowd reminds A-Roid, too:


Whoa. I need another bag of weed.


Phil Spector without his big fake crazy hair. Hahahahahahaha!

Mr. Spector should start practicing his karaoke of Eric's favorite song


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