back to the real world

Back to the real world this week. *sigh*

After a barely-working week at Christmas, and another barely-working week at New Years, I've really been scrambling to get caught up and organized. Things are getting closer to controlled, but I'm just not quite there yet. I've got a busy afternoon ahead of me, and I'm just scratching this post out to keep the whiners from complaining about the fact that the FRIDAY Waster has been a misnomer over the holidays.

The 3 younger kids are almost all back in school now, and doing the daily winter prayer for snow. I remember a whole series of superstitions that were supposed to bring winter weather and shut down school. I don't remember if throwing ice cubes on the front lawn ever actually worked, but dammit it was worth a try. There was something else about wearing pajamas backwards or inside out, but the only thing that ever produced was a bad night's sleep and a rash from the wrong parts of the jammies rubbing on the wrong parts of the berries.

Kid1 is a different story. Just before my holiday hiatus, I was trying and trying to find out what his grades were for the fall semester. After bringing home weak grades during freshman semesters 1 & 2, his results were looking even weaker during soph 1. Halfway thru the semester, he heard the news that if he had a third strike, I wouldn't be sending another check to college.

Well, I'm not sending a check.

I don't even know how bad the grades were, actually. He wouldn't even admit any details. He simply told me that I had one less thing to worry about paying for, and that he didn't want to confess the actual GPA results.

I'm totally struggling with this whole situation. On one hand, I've busted my tail to provide him the opportunities that I never took advantage of. I don't want to yank that opportunity away. On the other hand, it's stupid for me continue to do my part (pay) while he doesn't come thru on his part of the deal (study). I use the analogy of buying lunch at a drive thru: I bought him Combo #5, super-sized, and even added an apple pie. He threw the burger out the window, so I drove back around and bought a second meal. I even drove around a third time, to the same result. I'm not buying any more cheeseburgers, until after I know he's not going to throw food out the window anymore.

So like I said a minute ago, *sigh*

On the flip side of the coin, I've got good school news, too. After way too much time invested in my basement at 2am, I finally met all requirements to get my Associates degree in CIS...with a 4.0 GPA too. I know it's only the 2-year degree, but it's my first reward after so much effort, and I'm damn proud of it. I'm looking at it like it's halftime, b/c I'm continuing on to get my Bachelors. It may be unusual to celebrate my degree with an $8 beer, a greasy bratwurst, and a stale pretzel with no salt and lots n lots of mustard, but dammit, that's how you observe halftime. All I need now is a 20 minute wait to take a leak, and I'll be ready for the second half.

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This zombie game has been showing up all over the place. I personally could do without, and intentionally didn't include it in the last Waster. It kept coming back, and I'm starting to wonder why I'm the only one that doesn't like it. (From a geek perspective, the game is amazingly efficient. But we're here to waste time, not discuss code logic.)

So simple, but so totally frustrating. Similar to boomstick, here's BOOMSHINE.

I do like ninjas. It's a repeat offender on the Waster, and totally worth it.

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Every site and every blog seems to have a "top 10 of 2008" list of some sort or another. Some lists are cool, some are funny, some make you think a bit, and some just really kinda suck monkey nads. Here is a monster list of links to all those lists.



I love Trent Reznor. He just "accidentally" posted 400Gb of NIN live footage on the interwebs, for all the world to see and play with.

Eloquence in its finest hour (since Palin): "So I think in many ways, you know, we want to have all kinds of different voices, you know, representing us, and I think what I bring to it is, you know, my experience as a mother, as a woman, as a lawyer, you know, I've been an education activist for the last six years here, and, you know, I've written seven books – two on the Constitution, two on American politics. So obviously, you know, we have different strengths and weaknesses."
- - Caroline Kennedy, in an interview with a UK newspaper

Seca found a bunch of things that make you go hmmmm...

I think Mikey has problems than he lets on...


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holidays and happy hours

I'm on vacation in just under 3 hours. This is a quick-rip of a waster before my brain checks out for a couple of days. We're not going anywhere, just hanging around the area with the fam and some friends. No holiday travels makes the whole thing a lot less stressful.

All the kids are on break already, and The First Lady is on vaca after working a 1/2 day tomorrow, too. I've got a last little bit of holiday prep to do tomorrow morning, then my to-do list consists of keeping the fire stoked and keeping the eggnog cold.

I've had dozens of people ask about Kid1's grades, and I still don't have an answer. I'm pretty stressed over the situation, too. My gut tells me that no news is bad news, although I don't have the specific information yet.

But holidays and happy hours have a way of easing the stress. Give me a ring if you're up for HH tonight. I'm hitting the first cold one in about 2.5 hours. If I don't see you out tonight, have a safe and happy holiday!

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Seth got this game into my inbox last week, but I didn't have a chance to play with it til the weekend. It may be a bit late, but it still gave me a good giggle.

Laura found the perfect game for us dizzy blondes!

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Not-quite-right Christmas lyrics.

I know how to pronounce it, but this isn't the proper spelling, is it?
(click to enlarge)


'tis the season for The Smoking Gun to reveal that Santa isn't always a model citizen.

I've been a complete 100% non-smoker for almost 6 months now. My last smoke was the same day as my last day behind the bar. I promise that I'm not now and won't ever be one of those militant anti-everything buzzkills; smoke 'em if you've got 'em. This pic did make me stop for a moment though:
(click to enlarge)

those effing LED tail lights

The new LED style tail lights bother the eff out of me. I hate the flickering strobe effect, especially when an LED car is in the middle of a pack of cars with normal tail lights. Every time my eyes move from one item to another, the trail of dot.dot.dot.dot strobing LEDs gets under my skins and worms around all my nerves. It's like morse code for "pain in my ass".

I've chatted about this with a couple people recently, and realized that it doesn't annoy everyone as much as it annoys me. Most people don't even notice the flickering at all, and think I'm a nutjob.

Now I'm all curious about whether my eyes see things too slow, or if my brain interprets the visual signals too slow, or if there's some disturbance on the optic nerve as the signal travels from my eyes to my brain. I wanna know what's wrong with me!

The other day on the beltway, I snapped a pic of the strobe effect. At least in this case, I know I'm not a nutjob.

Am I alone on this?


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will it please snow already?

dogs + snow = fun
Thanks Angela!


More of my favorite NSFW advent calendar counting down the days til Christmas...

This has been a really odd holiday season so far. Royally busy, but not really focused on holiday-stuff. Not bad, just odd.

Kid1 came home from school last weekend. He's done with the semester, and home for the holidays. His grades got posted yesterday, but I haven't been able to get ahold of them yet.

He started working as a server at the 'Hole this week, which is kinda cool. I'm totally jealous. I really miss that place. I miss the people a lot, and I also miss the complete lack of responsibility that I had there. It sucks to be a grown-up sometimes.

Anyway, he started as a server this week. He's planning to work during Christmas break, and maybe during breaks in the future. He's worked tables before, so there's not much of a learning curve. He should be on the floor and making cash by the end of this week. The only question I have is in reference to his grades. If he's bailing on school, then this is a career choice, and not just a way to make some cash over break. The answer lies in the report cards.

On a different topic, we've been dog-sitting for the past few weeks. Month. For effing ever. We've got an extra chihuahua in the house for about 2 months now. Ugh. Yappy Napoleon complex insecure slobbery pain in my tail. I'm sooooo done with him. The good news is that my Christmas present is that he's going home on Christmas Eve. WHOOOOOHOOOO!

I'm outta here now. Got a lot of kidstuff and holidaystuff to do this weekend. I'm working a partial next week, and the week after, so you may get limited posting to the Waster. It all depends on exactly how I bill my hours.

Happy weekend, happy holidays!

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The gameplay sucks, but the concept is pretty slick. Real World Racer lets you drive on top of Google Maps, and even make your own course on your own streets.

This game will frustrate the hell out of you. Either that, or I had one too many car-bombs at lunch.

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Keyboards for blondes (click the pic to zoom)


Sometimes I think Boston is one of the coolest cities ever. Not this time.

The Smoking Gun posts The Mug Shots of the Year!

I always thought I was alone with my control weaknesses. James found this vid that opened my eyes to the fact that there are others who suffer the same trouble.


I never really got how a nativity seems to be special no matter how retarded it may be.

"This is a farewell kiss, you dog!" - Muntadhar al-Zeidi

pleeeeez let it snow soon

(Original found on TheBeast.)

I've got so much to share this week. Nothing important to be sure, just lots of junk. There's just been a buttload of stuff going on in the world, and I've been getting a lot of quality submissions too. Maybe my friends are just getting funnier? I try to share only the highest quality low-brow silliness, so let me know if my standards are slipping.

Home and work and school and fam stuff are all entering holiday mode. All the decorations are done; nothing left to prepare but shopping and wrapping. And paying the invoice.

Kid1 is taking his last finals today, and driving home tonight. He'll be home for about a month (maybe longer, depending on the grades I haven't seen yet.) I've got my finals next week, then my classes are on winter break for a couple weeks, too. We're not going anywhere for the holidays, but we're all taking a few days' break from work to just hang out with the fam.

On a sad note: No Christmas party this year. It's become a regular thing over the past few years, but it's just not happening this time Scheds have just been crazy busy at home for the recent months, and the First Lady simply isn't prepped to hostess the festivities. I could do it myself, but my hosting skillz don't extend much farther than making sure that alcohol > guests and there are multiple types of Doritos available.

We had a teasing of snow the other day, and whispers of more in the forecast. Snow puts me in the holiday spirit, but NSFW advent calendars are why Christmas is my favorite time of the year. (check that link daily)

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Some of us feel dumb on a regular basis. Playing Endice will make all of us feel like short-bus riding window-lickers. (Hint: the "easy" levels are a LIE!)

Drawminoes has the potential to be fun & creative, but it's just a bit too slow to get anything done. Some of the 'favorites' are interesting though, mostly b/c somebody else has already done the boring part.

Ninja Line Rider!

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There are only 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don't. The Socratic method will help you understand. It's all about those two-fingered aliens.

Goodbye, Bettie Page. You managed to combine being a classy lady AND a dirty girl at the same time. Much love.

Hoh-Lee CRAP! I'm trying to describe these guys, and Hoh-Lee CRAP is the best I can do. Not so often that I'm at a loss for words, but this? WOW.


Jen sent this to me, and I thought it was just Entertainment Tonight schlock until I clicked the link. Jennifer Aniston is 40 years old and is smokin' hot!
Interview
Eff the interview, here is the slideshow.

I'd so totally win.


Taking the fun out of all the best kid games.

1980s Saturday morning cartoon theme songs.

Laura found this vid.... I'm not sure if she was trying to make a contribution to the blog or trying to send me a warning.


Another transparency development from Obama: docs from external groups meeting w/ the transition are posted online for review and comment. Totally cool.

(giggle - no more Bush!)


Mmmmm... bacon.

Eddi's closing this week's session with some of his hometown Düsseldorf music. Die Toten Hosen (The Dead Pants!) have a new album out: In Aller Stille (In Silence). The songs rock, and the video kicks ass!
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all the world's a stage

From sinfest, best comic around. (click the pic if you need a larger view)

Whoooohoooo, good news from DC!

So anyway, the tree chopping expedition went very well last weekend. There was a bit of tension between the fam trying to make the final decision, but overall everyone was pretty laid back about the whole process, and none of the disagreements escalated into for-real arguing.

The tree they selected is really cool, too. It's got all the typical features that make a good tree: symmetrical, no bare spots, not too prickly. It's also the fattest tree I've ever had. Fat like Butterbean. Fat like a bad YourMama joke. Fat like it should have kankles. It's not only 6' tall, it's 6' wide, too. It's standing in the corner of the living room, sprawling out to the middle of the floor. I love it.

Me and two of the kids got new cell phones last night. They both moved up to good quality flip phones, and I entered the world of CrackBerry. I've been very happy with my Treo700P for the past few years, but the machine has been slipping lately; slower and slower, and not as reliable anymore. I would have liked to move up to a current Palm option, but there's not much to choose from. Palm OS is EOL, and the Centro hardware just does nothing for me.

So now I'm a CrackHead. Actually, I'm worried about being a CrackHead. Don't wanna! I use my phone for everything, but I don't live for it. It's just a really good tool. My Treo was that pocketknife that you've had for 15 years; the knife that has jimmied open door locks, whittled wood, gutted fish, and cuts a slice of apple during lunch.

CrackBerries seem different. People are weird about that shit. They LOVE their effing phones. They give me a whole new mental picture for "phone sex". I was researching phones, and one loser wrote "I am nothing without my BlackBerry, and my BlackBerry is nothing without me." Somebody needs to get laid already, and not by setting the ringer on vibrate.

Beyond the tree and the phones, the rest of the week has been pretty drudging. Work has been heavy, school has been boring. The short week last week made this one seem even longer. No worries, now that it's done.

Happy weekend!

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OK, it's been a while since I've had any REALLY good games. A bunch of the wasters over the past couple weeks have been a real waste of good blogspace. Auditorium will make up for all that wasted time wasting, and provide a legitimate reason to waste company resources. (The directions are a bit weak. Basic concept: use game objects to redirect the sound waves over the meter to make the level meter rise to the top.)

Climb the dead.

Draw my thing. (Yes, I did giggle when I wrote that.)

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Obama really does get it. An announcement on his blog declares that his website, change.gov, is licensed for open use under Creative Commons Attribution 3.0. Officially, permission is granted to SHARE or REMIX anything on the site.

Leslie's Christmas Wish List.

MMA arm wrestling? WTF?

Santa's gmail was hacked.

This little kid wrote a book about talking to, and understanding, girls. Strange thing is, I think he's got it all figured out.

I can't translate the text, but the pictures tell me that the king of all muscledorks is living in the Netherlands. UPDATE! Google proves the theory right when you read the site translated into English!

Sometimes my problems don't seem all that bad. Other times, they write songs about me.


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the hoff is one dead sexy turkey

Thanks to Jess for showing me how to meet The Hoff. Customize your own poster here.

Welcome to the special abbreviated Wednesday edition of the FridayWaster. Wednesday, b/c I'm off the next couple of days. Abbreviated, b/c I'm taking off a big portion of today, too.

Last weekend, we did a big ol' turkey dinner with the local fam. It was gooooood stuff, too. Everybody does up a side dish or two to go with the bird and the ham. We wind up with way too much food, but it's all so good. I love Thanksgiving leftovers, too, so the extra definitely does not go to waste.

We did the local holiday early b/c we're heading out of town to do dinner with the other side of the fam tomorrow. Supposed to be a few bodies coming into town from a couple different directions, so this may wind up being quite an event. Good people, tasty food, and a whole day of football... it doesn't get any better than that.

Friday morning, I get to play lumberjack. (Insert your best gay / Canadian / plaid / Jackyl jokes here. Or in the comments below.) I'm talking about cutting down the Christmas tree. Every year, on the Friday after Thanksgiving, we go out to find and cut a tree. Finding a tree is easy. I can find dozens. Deciding is a slightly different story. Unless there's a big hole in the side, or a family of mice swarming in it, I can't really tell one tree from the next. My selection process goes something like this...
- Not brown? check.
- Straighter than Charlie Brown's tree? check.
- No animals inside (living or dead)? check.
- No sharp pokey needles stabbing into my hands? check.

Good. Cut it down, wrap it up, and tie it on the truck. Once we cover it with lights, ornaments, and garland, nobody will ever notice that 4" bare spot on the side or the funky branch near the bottom.

Cutting the tree is a blast. Pine is so soft, that there's not much work involved. It's so easy, the kids all get to take a turn, too. They try to act too cool for it, but the act doesn't last longer than a minute or two; after that they're all grabbing to be next with the saw. Sharp objects + impatient kids = entertainment for dad.

Have a safe and happy holiday!

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I thought this game was going to be good. Either I'm too dumb to play, or it just sucks. Incredibots.

Cold weather means SNOT ROCKETS!!!!

Mikey taught me that Dungeons and Dragons is cooler than I ever thought. (NSFW)

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I'm so totally jealous of Adam Sandler. I make dumb jokes to entertain myself. He makes dumber jokes, and gets money for it. I do get a small satisfaction from the fact that he no longer has a soul.


For all the bar people: you know you're in this comic. You just have to figure out which one you are...

Mike told me he "found" this vid online, but I think I've seen him wearing the "Bluto" sock before...
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trading teeth for segways

The Onion published an article last week that was more truth than fiction. I think they may have done it again. Four simple, one syllable words. What's so hard to understand?

If you remember from last week, my buddy Eddi was on his way into town from from Germany. We'd worked together for many many years, but never met in real life. It was like being in an online dating club.

So anyway, me, Eddi, and a few people from my old office got together last weekend. It was an odd situation.... we used to all be professional drinkers. For various reasons, 3 out of 5 had to be on good behavior. Eddi and I were not in that group. We didn't get drunk to the point of stupid, but we were definitely rolling a pretty good buzz by the end of the night.

It was kinda neat to hang out together finally. After only a minute or two, it was like we went to the bar together every Friday night. I thought there may be a bit of get-to-know-you bullshit questions and answers, but we all just breezed right past that to just regular bullshit. Like making fun of the stoner girl in the K-hole wearing a dress that looked like a chain-link fence. She would have been hot, too, if her eyes weren't so empty. THAT'S entertainment.

So drunk Eddi and drunk me were summoned by the designated driving committee to head home before the bar locked up and kicked us out for real. They seemed a little irritated when I changed my shirt in the middle of the bar. (It was a gift; thanks Tina!) On the way back to the garage, Eddi spots the coolest Segway ever sitting in the security guard's office. It was just like the regular people-mover Segways, but with big knobby off-road tires on it. Something like this:


The guard wasn't in the mood to let us take it for a spin though. He was acting friendly enough, but it was all just an act. He was keeping his anger all bottled up inside, which is so totally unhealthy. He wanted to help us have fun, but his resentment at looking like Gary Coleman without teeth just wouldn't let him do it. I tried, too. I thought I had him for a minute, too, but the buzzer sounded the end of my game before I could sign the deal. Visions of riding the ramps in the parking garage went down the drain, and we had to walk back to the car.

I'm happy that the weekend went so well, b/c I've had a tough week this time 'round. Nothing awful, just lots of pain-in-the-tail stuff going on.

Work has been really busy, and really reactive, too. I've had surprises just about every day, and that really wears on me. Stupid emergencies go hand-in-hand with working for the gubmint, so I'm used to firefighting. Just b/c I'm used to it though doesn't mean I like it.

Kidstuff has been wearing on me too. Not the kids themselves, but the school. The kids are all doing very well. Report cards came home, and they all nailed solid grades. (Really makes me smile and wonder whose kids they are.) I'm actually struggling with the guidance office at the high school. I've been working since Monday to get a conference set up, and the twinkie in the office just can't seem to get her shit together. It's Friday now, and next week is a holiday, so I'm not expecting to get it done til the first week of December. The schools always complain about a lack of parental involvement, but so so often the school is the actual communications roadblock.

We've got a good week of famstuff and holidays coming up. Not sure if I'll be posting anything next Friday or not. I may either be too busy or too relaxed to do any writing. You may get lucky. Dunno yet.

Now, if you only click one link from this whole freaking post, please make it this one. Brent sent me the link to this blog about eating super-extreme hot sauce. I dare you to read this story without giggling like you're missing a chromosome. "...a handful of broken glass and gravel..."??? Wow.

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Donna really pisses me off sometimes. This maze game is nothing but frustration.

99 luft balloons. Or not.

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Jules and the Backseat Betties are playing out at the Auld Shebeen in Fairfax tonight. Hot chicks, good bar, and 80s music - what else could you want?

Best Video EVER:


The Moro Islamic Liberation Front shot down and captured a US Spy plane. The story is wayyyyyy funnier to me than the paper intended.

Black Friday is coming. Here's your cheat sheet to know what the retailers don't want you to know.

As simple as it gets.


I hate to give out free advertising, especially since Verizon Wireless has been so good to me over the past years. But Sprint created the most annoying site I've seen in a long, long time.

How to piss off everyone else on the highway.

Kim's new boyfriend has skills!


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scattered around the world

I'll miss this guy just a little bit. (Note: this link is SFW, but other stuff on that site isn't necessarily.)

Learn how to behave yourself online. Yes, this is a pet peeve of mine. Manners don't change just b/c you're behind a keyboard, ya know?

So last weekend we took a trip down to see Kid1 at school. His grades have been stressing me out lately, but overall he's still doing pretty well. It's cool to hang out with him, and to meet $ greet with his roommates, and to spend a little bit of time in the dorms. It's also cool to see my younger kids looking up to their older brother. Kids2, 3, & 4 can't wait til they go away to college.

So even though he's tromped all over my last nerve, he still makes me proud.

The other kids are all finishing with their first quarter grades. Everybody is doing well. No stress, no worries (yet). I took my midterms last week too...I took the hardest effing exam I've had in three years at school. Wow. Dude tried to whip my ass, but no way I'm letting that happen. I pulled an A on the exam, and I feel really good about it.

This weekend is kinda scrambled. My buddy Eddi is in town from Europe. We used to work together (online) in my old office, but never in person. I've known this dude for nearly a decade, and honestly consider him a friend. Until this week though, I'd never met him in real life. I know his girlfriend, his work, his history, his education, his music, but not his face. We had lunch yesterday, and it was a very interesting situation. It was almost like we went to lunch together every week, and yesterday was just another day in our lives. It makes me wonder what kind of friendship we may have had if we lived in the same area.

It also makes me reminisce a bit about the friends that have moved away. People that I still chat with, but really never get to tip a beer with anymore. They're all over the country: Washington State, Oregon, Colorado, Vegas, Florida, Carolina, Kentucky, New York, New Jersey, Ohio, Indiana; even Australia and Italy. (Forgive me if you moved away and I skipped your state. I can't even remember all 7 dwarfs...)

So I'm hanging w/ Eddi and a few other old friends tonight. Working some stuff around the house tomorrow, and spending some time with the missus' friends on Sunday, before football of course. Besides that, not a whole heck of a lot else to chat about.

Happy weekend!

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Jules' method of stress relief.

Remember feeling guilty for watching BumFights? Well relax, b/c no bums were harmed in the making of this game.

The simplest games are the most addictive. This one? Keep your balance.

Robokill.

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Automotive recalls are hit-or-miss. If you're registered with the manufacturer, then you should be notified when / if they have a safety recall. Otherwise, you might just have to be lucky enough to hear about any safety issues. You can check out your car here to see if there's anything you need to address.

OK, one more election post, then I'm done for reals. The groundswell support is how he really won the election. Groundswell always gets me. Kinda NSFW.

I really am gonna miss this guy.

Yes, it's for real. Multiple shockers, in the White House. Story here.

I try not to geek-out too often, but sometimes it slips. Here are some awesome case mods.

Mark and the boy scouts want to help me save the tatas!

I do love the tatas.

Obama's fall back plan. (btw: UUDDLRLRBAStart - tattooed on the backside of my brain.)

I'm now officially a Red Sox fan. Again, this link is SFW, but I'm not speaking for everything else on the site.

I wait all year for the superbowl ads; creative, fun, high dollar investments. I'm wondering how they're going to present this one.

Time for one more vid. Eddi sent this to me at 630 this morning; fuck Folgers, this was the best part of waking up today.


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cool to be an american again

The Onion's first true article.

I listened McCain's concession speech again, this time without my beermuffs on.... I think he's a touch more bitter than we originally thought.

Wow. An amazing / cool / surprising / scary / exciting election. I love it. Whether you agree politically or not is immaterial, we all witnessed history this week, and that's something to tell your grandkids about.

Election day was a royal pain for me, if you remember, although I was rather impressed with the response to the call for interaction. I didn't think most of you were voters, seeing the high percentage of felons. But this group pulled through, and I sincerely thank every single one of you who took the time to cast a vote.

I spent election night with a few friends. I didn't plan for the evening to go as late as it went, but really got sucked into the moment and totally carried away in the excitement and conversation. And a few moments afterwards, too. Maybe all the way til breakfast. mmmmmm....stale donuts. Thanks Mike!

We had some kidstuff to do on Wed night, so bedtime and schedules got shuffled again. The high school football team made the playoffs, so my daughter's color guard schedule has been extended a couple of weeks longer. Cool for the school, but we're not completely sure of the performance schedules moving forward. We'll find out soon, I'm sure.

We're heading down to see my kid at school this weekend. They've got their homecoming game on Saturday afternoon. I'm really looking for a good time down there. Things are still a little tense with his mid-term grades, but I don't doubt for a minute that he'll squeak thru with some decent results somehow. He may be shoveling snow and cleaning kitchens for his professors all winter, but I'm sure he'll figure a solution.

Speaking of midterms, I took my exams last night. Database management was by far the hardest exam I've taken in the past 3 years of schooling. Wow. Prof tried to smoke my ass, and came close, too. I love a challenge.

Happy weekend!

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Mikey sent me beer pong!

This game looked really cool, but wouldn't function properly in my JRE in firefox 2x on fedora 8. I was actually pretty disappointed. :(

This one worked, and it's a classic. I've posted it before, and every time it makes its way back to my inbox, I get sucked in again. I love me some boomshine.

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Yes, the election is over, but Linus still makes a number of good points.

Overseas, it's cool to be Americans again! I wanted to pull a quote from this article, but couldn't decide which to use. Select your own favorite.

Pass or fail?


Don't be so literal, dammit.


I know I had at least half of these cars at one time or another. (hint: click the pic for super-zoom)

MC Escher on google maps.

Colorblind?

...and one last bit of political stuff...
The fourth amendment protects against unreasonable search and seizure. There is a legal tap dance at the border. Understandable. There is a legitimate need to control who and what enters the country, but once you're actually inside the country, then the protection kicks into place. Things are changing, and the gubmint has re-defined "borders"... now the "border" includes anywhere within 100 miles of the line drawn on the map. Eh. 100 miles, not such a big deal.

Until you take a look at this map. Find your house. You may be in for a surprise.

Now, I don't personally do anything that I'm ashamed of. I don't cross-dress when I'm home alone. I don't kick the dogs too hard. I don't eat boogies. I might spank it more than I should, but only to healthy legal internet stuff, with birth records on file in Los Angeles. I still don't want the gubmint to legally be allowed to check up on me without a good reason.

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not always friday

Please tell me this wasn't you.... (click to view if necessary)
(I love that comic. More here.)

I voted this morning at the local elementary school. I knew it was going to be busy, and I expected a wait, so my expectations were set pretty low. I planned on the possibility of being there for a while, and my plan was pretty accurate.

For the first 45 mins or so, things were really moving. The line ran the entire length of the school hallway, but it was shuffling forward at a regular pace. No worries, no problems. Plenty of time to say good morning to people from the neighborhood, and to meet new people near me in line.

Things began to suck when we got closer to the cafeteria, where the actual voting was taking place. In order to validate the voter registration, entry to the cafeteria was broken up into 3 sections of the alphabet by last name. A-G on the left, H-O in the middle, and P-Z on the right. My wife, with her hyphenated last name, jumped ahead of me and about 20-30 other people. Cool for her, not realizing yet how badly I was about to get effed.

I started noticing that two sections of the alphabet were moving very rapidly, while my section was rather stagnant. More and more people got called ahead of my group. I'm still not stressed, really, but starting to wonder how the array of names could be that lopsided. I'm still in the hall outside the cafeteria, so I can't really figure out the details of the situation yet.

After a while, I'm getting a little worked up. Between 75-100 people with lucky last names bestowed upon them have passed our sorry lot in the hallway. The election hostess is passing BS and illogical excuses about how the names have been divided, and our group was just really large. The words weren't hers, she was just relaying the same BS that somebody inside had told her to say.

FINALLY, over 1/2 an hour later, I get into the cafeteria. My wife has voted, left the school, driven to work, and already started her day. The first 45 minutes in line covered the entire length of the school. The last 30 paces had taken another 45 minutes. But now that I was inside, I could identify the source of my stress: BINGO LADY.

Bingo Lady was validating I.D. and cross-referencing names against the master book; the gate-keeper into the actual polling station. Does "Bingo Lady" put a picture in your mind? If so, I'm sure it's accurate. She was near 80, shaky, mumbling, and craning her head back to read the master book thru the bottom half of her bi-focals. And she was REALLY EFFING SLOW. She could have spotted the hell out of B-14 or I-23, but looking up last names alphabetically just wasn't in her skill set.

Bless her heart, she was out there working the election, which is 1000x more responsibility than I took today. But DAMN did somebody at that polling station put her in the wrong position. There were a dozen other people who could have been shuffled around to make it work better. There had to be someone on that team with better vision and reading skills, and I'm sure there was other tasks that Bingo Lady could have managed very well. The fucktards in charge of the day simply failed on organizing their people.

Each year after voting, I walk out of the school with a smile and sense of pride for doing my part. Today I left bitter. My smile today was stolen by the fucktards.

I will happily wait 2 hours, if that's what it takes to vote. As it was, I waited 45 minutes to vote, plus another 45 minutes for stupidity.

Side note, much happier news - my kid voted in his first election today. I'm pretty proud that he stepped up and did his part,too. Not a lot of young'uns do that.

Now that I'm done venting, I'd really like to hear your voting stories. For real. Click here, or use the link below, and lemme know....

my favorite holiday

Eff politics. I'm over it. Unless McSame sneaks in somehow, then you'll have to hear me cry about it next week. Otherwise, I'm done with the topic.

It's HALLOWEEN!
Mikey found this pic that reminded me of the going-away Halloween Party at the old house. Unfortunately, some of you know exactly what I'm talking about....


This hasn't been a simple week so far, so I'm really looking forward to a little escapism tonight. Workstuff, homestuff, kidstuff... it's all been rather nuts recently.

The kids have been a bit out of whack all week, maybe b/c of the holiday, maybe not. Irritating either way. I got a copy of Kid1's midterm grades... if he doesn't get his ass in line those grades will be his LAST-term grades. No way I'm paying for classes that he won't earn credits for. Where the F did he inherit laziness and a crappy work ethic?

So I'm more than ready to get away from the stress and tension tonight.

The weekend is rather calm, too. We're going to my buddy's wedding Saturday, which should be a really good time. And the 'Skins don't play til Monday Night, so football Sunday will be less of a production, too. (btw - I'm pretty sure we'll wind up at the Hole for the Monday night game.)

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Leslie sent in the only way to carve a pumpkin without getting guts under your nails:

Another good halloween themed game, GhostScape.

Study the melons. I love melons. (Kinda, or definitely, NSFW, depending on which options you select.)

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Amazing cool creepy nasty pumpkin carving.

The simple costumes are the best costumes. The page is a little funky, but scroll all the way to the right to check out the graph of last year's best sellers.

Rock n roll guitar geeks, this site will claim your entire weekend.

More music stuff... from MTV no less. Shocked? Me too. They took the M out of TV a long time ago. This MTV site gets back to the goodness though. They're posting EVERY music video in their entire collection. No, I didn't verify their claim to EVERY, but I did click around a bit to find some old Headbanger's Ball material.

Always think twice before clicking send.

JBibby sent in a good set of retarded vids:
One
Two
Three

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ouch

Starting this post with Kim's PSA.

I'm so tired of the election already. Just a few more weeks. I'd rather lose my shoe on a telephone pole than to watch one more effing campaign ad...


This week has FLOWN past. I dunno where it went. It may have something to do with my 3-day buzz last weekend. We started Friday after dinner up to hang out for a minute at the Hole. I got toasty and she got tired, so she left me there. oops. We closed down GDays, then headed next door to close down Ned's 2 hours later. I was feeling mighty fine by the time I was dropped off at the house.

Bright & early Saturday morning we headed out west for the balloon & wine festival. I was drinking w/ John & Mike long before lunchtime, while the girls watched the kids and chatted about how stupid boys are. The day was gorgeous, the wine was flowing, and the people were great. WineDrunk is just so casual. We chatted with some old friends that we didn't know would be at the festival, and made a lot of new friends, too.

I took a nap on the way to dinner, then had a couple drinks, then took a nap on the way to a party, then had a couple drinks, then took a nap on the way home before finally laying down for a bit of rest. (Note: WineDrunks do not "pass out".... napping is much classier.)

Sunday was football day. Kudos to Chrispy for coming thru with tix to the Redskins game. I've got big man-love for him lately. And man-love to Seth, too, for introducing me to the proper way to tailgate at FedEx. We spent a few hours with a whole crew of good people, cooking up cheese steaks and onion rings. I'm DEFINITELY visiting Chez Mike again sometime in the future.

After a couple hours hanging at the grill, it was time to wander the parking lot. Craziness. I love it. We met the Art Monks, dressed in religious robes. We played cornhole. We spent some time down in the RV zone. We met the hip-hop school bus owners, and got a little tour of their digs. I got in trouble for yelling WITH the Cleveland fans against some a-hole inhospitable tards.

The seats were great, and most of our neighbors were awesome. Except the tea-totalling guy sitting to the left. He didn't seem as entertained as me and Chrispy. He would have been a lot less cranky if he'd could afford an $8 beer.

After the game, we got lost. Not turned around, or mis-directed. Lost. No effing clue where we were. Plus, we were out of beer. It was HELL. So we had to make new friends. Corvette guy and BMW chick. Corona guys. We even hung out with the nutcase OMFUG guys for a while. I still can't believe those drunk effers were the ones that saved our tails and helped us get back to base camp.

I left my jacket in the truck, Kristin stole my gloves, and I totally lost my hat. I didn't lose my cell phone though! (Remember Buffett? I don't.)

Besides all that, I've been working and schooling all week long. I'm heading out the door in a minute to start the weekend. Me & my sibs are all donating blood this afternoon, it's a whole family thing. We get to laugh and joke and irritate the crap out of the nurses who are way too serious.

Happy Weekend!

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This one proves that the gameplay is soooo much more important than the graphics.

Mikey found a classic Halloween game: cat bowling!

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My buddy Brent's 350z is for sale. For real.

I'm searching for this explanation, too. Totally not fair. We never had kid shows like these when I was growing up!

Denise's dream wedding.

Whoooohooooo! As soon as I retire, I'm blazing like California.

What with the embedded videos already...?
Unbelievable McCain Vs. Obama Dance-Off - Watch more free videos

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5 into 4

Ever seem to notice that a shortened week doesn't always coincide with a lighter workload? After taking the Monday holiday this week, I think I pinched at least 5.5 days of work into the remaining 4 days of the week. *sigh*

Yesterday I said to myself, "cool, tomorrow's Friday already!' Then about 10 minutes later, I said to myself, "Holy rat nuts, tomorrow's Friday already, and I'm nowhere near done with my workload." Fuggitall though, I'm done with this week, and the work will still be here on Monday.

My kid is heading home from school today. He's staying with his mom for a few days during Fall Break. His last class ends at 3pm, then he's hitting I-95 to get here in time for the HS Homecoming game. Kickoff is 730... balancing the fact that he's got to deal with Friday traffic with the fact that he usually averages just under 100mph, and he'll prolly get here just in time.

The rest of the kids are all with their other parents this weekend, so we've got a little bit of NoKid time available. M'Lady is doing dinner tonight with a few of her friends, and I've got plans to tip a beer or two at Glory Days. Not a lot of beers, though because tomorrow starts rather early. Dunno what else the evening has in store yet. NoKid weekends get a little random sometimes.

We're heading out to meet a few friends at the big wine tasting at Long Branch. The festival opens at 7am, and they've got all sorts of stuff planned thru the day: hot air balloons, classic car show, fair games and rides, and lots n lots n lots of wine. $10 to get into the festival, then all you can drink for another $10. I've never been WineDrunk before lunch. This'll be a whole new experience.

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mmmmmm.... beach volleyball. Well, almost; they are wearing bikinis. I still don't know what to think about the big impaling spike in the middle of the court.

If the campaigning hasn't scared you enough, Amanda found a game that just might help you visualize just how bad it would be.

Mikey got this to me just under the wire today. Silly little game with a Halloween theme.

Another classic, if you remember it. The Halloween theme is a stretch, and not everyone gets it. If you do it, the reward is sooooooo worth it.

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What sort of list do you expect when the weakest entry is the pig tail butt plug? NSFW

Upside down dogs. The name says it all.

I swear that I did not set the curtains on fire while having cybersex with Leslie!

Check out what made it on Jon's Christmas List.



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time to relax

So last weekend was my 20th HS reunion. I was on the organization committee, but really wasn't sure what to expect. How many people would show up, who changed, who stayed the same, cliques, stress.... the whole thing was a big unknown. We (the org committee) just wanted things to go smoothly.

It exceeded every possible expectation. LOTS of people came out for the event. We had people in town literally from all over the globe - Brian traveled from frickin' Germany for the party. Out of towners started arriving late last week, so we planned a happy hour for Friday afternoon. We started yapping, and "happy hour" turned into "closed the bar".

Saturday ran right in the same line. Cocktails and dinner started at 7pm, and ran straight thru til the ballroom closed at 11pm. Hotel bar was still open, so the party moved down there, til last call at 2am when we moved to the outdoor patio for Cheetos and a few more beverages. There were just too many stories to hear and not enough time to share them all.

I'm still rather confused about all the old people at the reunion. No effing way they graduated with me.

In other school news, I started back to class on WED night. Bleh. The two week break between summer and fall sessions just isn't enough. It was just the first class, so the time investment this week wasn't so bad, but I'm sure it'll be grinding away at me soon enough.

And while I'm just starting the semester, Kid1 is coming home in 8 days for his Fall Break. The scheds worked out really well for him b/c it's the same weekend as his HS homecoming.

This coming weekend is full, but everything is really low key. Tonight we're doing nothing but hang out with the kids a bit. Tomorrow daytime is a little BBQ / pig roast / family reunion thing. I'm hoping that the pig cooks fast, b/c I looooooooove me some hog jowls.

We're leaving the BBQ early to attend a wedding in the afternoon. I'm totally stoked for this wedding. More accurately, I'm stoked for the reception. I don't get to hang out with this group as often as I'd like to, so I enjoy it even more when we do get together.

Now while I'm doing the fam thing tomorrow, you all need to get out to SterlingFest to see Augur. They're on stage at 145. I'm gonna keep talking about these guys 'til you start listening, so start listening, dammit.

Sunday will be spent watching football at my sister's house. I mean, we're going for her birthday party, and just maybe might see a little football while we're there. I'm not sure why she wanted a birthday during NFL season, but that's the way it is. She didn't seem interested when I suggested changing the date to a more convenient time of year.

I so totally can't wait for the election to be over already. I'm tired of hearing this voice.


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I'm running low on game submissions. You slackers have been letting me down lately. I can't waste everybody's time without a little help from the monkeys. So get busy on it, k?

The samurai is cool, but the game runs kinda slow. I just want to keep on hacking and slashing.

Bloons mixed with Tower Defense. Not my bag.

I don't even know how to describe this game. You control the bouncing ball, and have to collect stars, and jump on the flying saucer heads. It's like one of those irritating cartoon songs with the red ball bouncing on the lyrics as the scroll across the bottom of the screen. Then gravity switches directions. huh?

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(giggle) (thanks denise & jon)


Jess found some creepy old ads.

I recognize the movie, but it seems they took out all the good parts. All that's left this crap:


Like you've never had a bar tab before? Right.

Effed up tatts. (The Clemson one is fake, here are the originals.)

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old guys rule

Quick thought, before I start rambling: The Redskins kicked a55 last weekend! Eff the 'boys!

Now that I've got that thought off my chest... my high school reunion is this weekend. I've been involved in the planning and coordination of everything, so I'm pretty stoked about it too. It's my TWENTY YEAR high school reunion. This didn't seem all that bad to me, until I made the connection that I've been out of school longer than I was actually in school.

I feel there's a lot I should have been able to get done in the past 20 years. I feel like I've been slacking. I got off to a quick start; faster than most people I think. By the time I was in my early twenties, I was married, three kids, had a career, a house, motorcycle, and a couple of new cars.

I left the house & wife, sold the cars & motorcycle, and changed careers. Basically, I hit the "go back to start" space. The giant red slide in "Chutes and Ladders". Take II is working out 1000x better, so I'm pretty happy with the way the cards were dealt.

The whole pattern and method of my life so far has been under review since I started chatting with all my old classmates. One guy just had his first kid. One girl is living in her mom's basement with her husband and two toddlers, b/c their house got repo'd. Somebody else recently got engaged.

I can't imagine starting things so late. I honestly have nothing to compare it to, b/c I only know about my own experience. But I'm really looking forward to Kids 2-4 graduating and going away to college. Kid 1 is already away at school as a sophomore. Heck, he's voting this year, which trips my mind even more than when he bought a car or left for school.

I borrowed my daughter's car all this week while I had a friend do some work on my truck. That just entertains me to no end. I did feel a bit awkward with the Tinkerbell seat covers and steering wheel wrap, but I survived.

I'll be 44 when the youngest graduates high school. My wife will only be 39. Then we're DONE. Out. Thanks, see ya, bye. The remaining decades are just for us, and I'm totally stoked about reaching that point. We've got a lot of grand plans, some of which are more realistic than the others. (I'm still wondering if she's just pulling my leg about installing the keg system when we build the new house.)

Reunion activities start in just over an hour. Kicking off tonight with a happy hour at Carpool. Dinner and late-night plans are in the works, but not defined yet.

Saturday has a few things in store during the day, then the 'official' reunion event is set up like a wedding reception. Hotel ball room, open bar, dinner, DJ... all that sort of stuff. Finally, Sunday has a brunch before everyone heads out of town and back to the real world.

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Jess found the new theme of the Friday Waster games on xkcd:


I love beer, drinking beer, making beer, and games about beer.

Yes, this is a re-run. But I had about a dozen people send it to me this week, so I'm upping it again. Enjoy, or hate it. http://fantasticcontraption.com/

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News in the neighborhood. Augur (band II from the block party) is playing SterlingFest on 11 October at 145. They put on a really good show for us, and now we need to come out and return these guys some love.

Tammy found a really cool birthday calendar app. I know, most of these suck. This one has a LOT of stuff that you really never wanted to know.

These guys are nuts. Or cool. Or both.

Mondial Du VTT Descente de Venosc caméra embarquée
Uploaded by 103TuRtLe

back to the real wasting

Daaaang this has been a crazy couple weeks. I've been trying to get an update posted, and just haven't been able to do it til now. Every day has been one of these days:


Anyway, here's some quick yammering...

I survived the triathlon, and did way better than I even hoped to do. Goal #1 was to complete it, Goal #2 was to beat 2hrs, and double-secret Goal #3 was to beat 1:45. I nailed it, stumbling across the finish line in 1:36:32. I finished 105th out of ~180 total. The swim kicked my arse, bad. And I definitely could have made up some time in the transitions now that I know what to expect. Next time...

The office exodus has begun. We've lost 3 people from our contract in the past week. Since we were "acquisitioned" the bureaucracy bullshit has been consistently deeper. The days of an agile, small IT company are gone; leaving nothing but a bunch of neckties roaming the halls looking for a reason to fill out a form or make a new policy. I won't be the next to leave, but the thought has been dancing across my mind.

Happy Birthday to Randy!
I missed his BBQ and the late night bar-party. I spent the whole day working on my daughter's car. New battery, battery terminals, and alternator; she's running good now. I took girlie out in her car on Sunday morning to learn how to drive the clutch. She did really well, but also gave the new electrical system a workout by stalling it about 40 times.

I'm still on break from school until next week, which is a good thing. Things have just been too crazy lately.

I've got a full weekend ahead, too. My HS reunion is formally on Saturday night. I've done a bit of the organizing with a few other friends, so I'm pretty stoked about the whole thing. In addition to the formal on Saturday, I'm sure we'll do a bit of bar crawling on Friday as people start migrating back to town. I'm much better at the bar-crawl than I am at the formal stuff. Imagine that.

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Eric is scared of spiders! Sissy.

Hamster Battle!

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Whooohooo! You can buy PJ in a bottle!

I love Sarah Silverman, almost as much as I love Jen for sending this to me...


Hahahahahahaha! Suck it, RIAA!

Entertainment Tonight's version of potty humor.

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Have a great week, and I promise to have next Friday's waster delivered on Friday. For reals.

a strange little tribute, maybe

Out Of It by Brad Sucks

not with a straight face you can't

Remember this chick? Ms. Teen South Carolina?


Well, she's baaaaaack....and she's all grow'd up now:


The sequel is scarier than the original!
Ms. Teen_Pinhead simply shows weakness in our educational system.
But Ms. Token_Vagina exposes a weakness in our entire country.

I want the elections to be hotly debated. People don't fight over things that they don't care about. Republican/Democrat, liberal/conservative, right/left, whatever "side" you're on doesn't matter much to me, as long as you have a legitimate opinion. Even if your opinion happens to be totally wrong, I can totally respect the fact that you put some brains and effort into formulating it.

In 2004, the US sheep re-elected the guy that is putting the US on the shit-list in just about every country around the world. My European buddy Eddi put it best: Americans have the freedom to be as stupid as they want to be.

And now we've got the queen of the fucktards running for Vice President. Again, the rest of the world is laughing at the US. Again, the US gives 'em a whole lot of reasons to laugh.

McCain should be effing blasted by the media and the rest of the country for selecting a token for a running mate. No way in hell does he thinks she's a good choice. She's nothing McCain's cheap way to try to buy the stupid votes, and the stupid voters don't even know they're being bought.

And I'm really wondering how SNL managed to scoop the story:


CNN reveals why SNL nailed this one.... they didn't write it! Some of the best jokes were written by Palin herself:


Meanwhile, in Gotham City, the NYTimes has solid debate recap from last Friday here, all on the same page:
full debate video + transcript + factchecking
all bundled together in a nice little package.

...and the VP debates are THU night. Getcha popcorn ready!

quickie to make you hush

I've gotten a bit of noise for being late with the waster for the past couple of weeks. Yep. I suck. At least my mom still loves me.

Here's a quick bit of fun to waste your time while I'm working on the poetry and prose that makes up a quality weekly blog....

So zip it.

Yes, I may be a day or two late with this vid, but it's awesome. Boring for the first little bit, then it really gets kicking for a while. By the end, I just needed to scream.



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This game used to be cool. No, really. I'm not lying.

Kinda cool, but maybe too much work to be fun. I'm not sure if I like this game or not.

Happy Weekend!

my scrambled mind

I survived another crazy week in the office, but just barely. We're just about done with the current release, so things should calm down a bit. As a result of being yanked a 100 different ways today, I don't have much of a train of thought to share. Here goes...

I'm out of school for another 2 weeks. The kids are all fully back to school. None of 'em have screwed up yet, so I'm feeling pretty good about the whole crew at the moment. The over/under is at 5 weeks before the first bad teacher note gets sent home.

The triathlon is Sunday morning. Yes, I'm nervous. No, I'm not scairt. My focus is good, my lungs are good, no smokes since I stopped the bartending gig, and I've got dozens of doubters that I have to prove wrong. If I can out-stubborn four kids and an ex-wife, I can definitely out-stubborn a stupid race.

After-race party at Jimmy's (imagine that) at 11am !

Big E has a wonderful pet rat, and a gorgeous fiance. One is allergic to the other, so one has to go. She (the rat, stupid. He chose the girl.) comes with a huge ferret cage, too. Lemme know if you're interested, I'll get you the details. For real.

The Pocket Band is playing at the Brogue in Great Falls tonight and tomorrow night. Personally, I don't think I'll be able to make either show, but I still want to share the info. You know they're awesome, so get out and tip a glass with some good time reggae rock.

Augur (band #2 from the Block Party) is playing Sterling Fest 11 October. More details soon....

McCain / Palin - I try to keep the political message rather neutral, b/c I really don't want to listen to debating or whining about my political opinion. McCain twists and lies EXACTLY he's Dubya Junior, and Palin is a nutcase and a token, and it's driving me fucking batty that nobody else seems to notice it but SNL.

My real political opinion.

Umm.... what the hell?

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This is the real reason why I'm late today. This game rocks, and will DESTROY the rest of your afternoon. All you have to do is turn on the lights.

Interesting, but won't suck your time dry like that stupid little robot just did. Spin the playfield to aim the ball. Link

You're an idiot.

Jon reveals what your name would be if your momma was Sarah Palin.

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Max knows just how much money we waste with this stupid email. Find out for yourself.

Not a lot of content here yet, but this site def has potential. Link

Mikey loves coffee.

One more WTF ???? before I get outta here.

Happy weekend!

*sigh*

This has been a looooong and harsh week.

Don't cry for me.... nothing too awfully bad or nasty going on. It's just been a high stress level every single day this week, and today actually capped it all. I'm totally ready to kick back and relax a bit this weekend.

I took my finals this week, all good. I'm done with school for about the next 2.5 weeks.

I'm getting closer to my first triathlon.... the countdown is at 9 days. My training is going well. I've done the distance a couple of times over the past days, and I've been sore but successful. The coolest thing about this race is that the finish line is about 200' from the entrance to Jimmy's Old Town. I can't imagine a better way to celebrate than looking at the bottom of my Guinness glass.

BTW - Try the beef on weck - awesome. Horseradish should be one of the primary food groups.

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Grrrr. Hulk SMASH!

I always loved the Princess Bride. Stop it now, I mean it!

matching game

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Weird.

Weirder?

It's POP, dammit!

OK, this list is a bit old, but it's making all new rounds. I just checked a couple of these links, and had to remove a couple dead ones. All SFW, by the way...

10. www.GotAHoe.com

9. www.SpeedoFart.com

8. www.IPAnywhere.com

4. www.TheRapistFinder.com

3. www.PenisLand.net

2. www.ExpertSexChange.com

1. www.WhorePresents.com